better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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