Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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