I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
