I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
are you so shy because you have an std?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
