i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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