My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Someone shit on the floor
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
