as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
it's great music for shaving your balls
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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