dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
