oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
