remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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