Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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