WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
