So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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