i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
