Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
