I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Panties = found
Randomize
