I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
