I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
