remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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