Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
