if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
