bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
