so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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