If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she smelled like a LAN party
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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