i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
