Im at strip club and am horny
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
