so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
why do cheetos always look like penises
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
