I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
