He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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