Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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