i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
