ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
