Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's no shave November. This is our time.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
