is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
