I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
