we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
