There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
