what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
