It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
