I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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