There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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