apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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