woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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