You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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