I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
