Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
