home. puking in laundry basket.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
