it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
