Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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