Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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