Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
