you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
