and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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