I got her a Nickelback box set.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
