A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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