She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
