Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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