I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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