i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
