I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Randomize
