Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
In America we eat man semen.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
