PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
