Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
