So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
